photo by Sofia Lorenzo
The last time I wrote something like this (last March) deemed to prove just one thing: how fast things can change in a span of a few months. Change in terms of how things are going on my end – on my non-lettering, non-art life, aka personal life, and the constant battle between living normally and trying to please people with deadlines and endeavors I need to work on for this quarter of the year.
I just woke up a few minutes ago from an unplanned oversleeping session (it’s 6PM as I’m typing this and I’m still in my jammies). I must have been super exhausted from yesterday’s shoot and mostly from the past two weeks of hibernation from real life. As much as a huge weight has been lifted out of me last Friday (felt like it was thesis submission x 100000 to be honest), there seems to be new things filling in my system right now and weighing me down in the worst way possible. Things I decided to forget the moment I worked on #theroadtoabc deadlines, and now that I’ve accomplished my work for that (well, a part of it), my distraction seems to have made its way back to the ABC brain and I sort of want to punish myself for it.
(Why do you have to gracefully make your way into my already okay life? That is the question.)
In other news, this day has been spent reading a ton of TGD interviews. I don’t know, I have this fascination for reading other people’s experiences, especially artists. It makes me feel secure with some parts of my own creative journey, and helps me realize that I am not alone in this. There’s still so much to prove in this world and while I’m just one of the many artists who hope to make a small dent and help inspire change in the industry, I hope to do so – soon. Right now, I feel like I’m just floating up in the clouds and trying to figure out what path to take next. While I know both being an artist and making a living out of it is such a daunting responsibility (moreover, something I have yet to prove to most people who tell me – So you draw letters for a living? For real? YUH), I only am hopeful that this has been one of, if not the best decision I’ve made for myself in my 22 years of existence.
I grew up thinking art was just something I could retreat to every time I had a lot of feelings. Growing up, I had to work my way through the “normal things” because I found myself constantly struggling in terms of having a positive social life (I owe a lot to my high school best friends for moulding me into who I am now), a good reputation (ha, who was I in high school? I don’t remember) and telling myself that I am capable of good work (not just in art, but with life and things in general). I used my drawing time to recuperate with myself after experiencing teenage angst, and eventually, as I faced the point in my life where I had to “discover who I really am”, art was always there – like a best friend, a sister, something I can always go home to.
Nowadays, it’s split between wanting to find comfort in being an artist and at the same time, balancing it with the business side of it. It’s no fun and games, I’ll admit – but recently I’ve been learning that making art for a living isn’t that much of a pressure if you’re doing what you love. The problem with me is that I take into account too many factors and limit myself in the process. I remember being told that I should “do things at my own pace” and learn to find my way (and not lose it) on The Road to ABC. It’s such a long road I still have to take and I’ve been experiencing a lot of bumps and detours along the way – things that may hinder my journey, but I’d rather think of as important intrusions for me to take on the road with a strong heart.
I still find myself crossing the road unprepared, and most of all, having the problem of putting my life first as a person before I am as an artist. It’s so easy to be consumed in doing ABC work – lettering, writing, drawing, planning – because it is my job now. But I’ve been laying off on the more important things – my health (I’ve been stress eating since last year and it is not helping me, AT ALL), my relationships (to the selected people who really matter in my life) and most of all, myself. Here’s to hoping I get that wake up call pronto because honestly, with the things I’m doing now, I really need to reprimand myself for not focusing on my priorities and letting a lot of things get in the way. It’s not healthy. At all.
Before I bore you off with more of my rants about life, I’d just like to say that this is another way of saying, “This is what cooks up in Abbey’s brain if she’s not working on lettering projects” – yup, this is it. This is me. On some days when I don’t have much work to do. Heh. Good evening, and have a great week ahead!