I wrote a birthday post last year on turning twenty one so I figured that it’s going to be a yearly thing for me now. Warning: personal drama in words below.
There is always an odd feeling when people tell me about my birthday and turning a year older.
That odd feeling of excitement, of happiness, of fear, and a multitude of emotions – all in one day.
I honestly did not prepare anything today, nor think of anything decent I could write about. My weeks have been caught up with a multitude of new projects, and my sanity is getting lost in the process. I’m on the verge of surviving the first few weeks of January – and to think it’s just the start of 2015. Cray cray.
It still amazes me how creating a blog & showing my work to the online world took me from being an extra shy introverted teenager four years ago to becoming the person I am now – a goal-oriented ambivert with a type A personality, always (semi) ready for the next project and creative endeavor that comes my way.
Being both a letterer and blogger have created so much opportunities for me that even I, myself, have to constantly digest as each day, each week and each month goes by. There are days where I stare at blank spaces and suddenly tear up (because tears of joy). I always ask myself how the universe conspires in making my dreams happen, always wonder how it is possible to have these chances, to take them, and use them wisely. How to take these capabilities of mine and make them a way for others to find their own voice in this world, and to make their own mark the way I am trying to do now on my own terms.
The way I see life is beyond my years. Being immersed to this industry as a teenager has helped me grow into a more profound (and mature) person. My priorities in life never focused on doing nothing. I can’t stand a day wasted, and I constantly find myself more interested in setting goals, planning projects, creating quality work, and getting myself involved in passion projects that I consider as “fun things to do”, rather than wasting my nights curled up doing nothing.
I can’t say I’m abnormal – but I do know my life is not normal anymore (with all the work I’m doing every single day). Some days, I wish I could run away and never come back to Manila. I recall rough days, rough nights, I-want-to-kill-myself-for-living-a-double-life days, I-have-no-choice-so-I-am-not-sleeping-tonight all nighters, and think about how things are so different for me now.
Despite that, I’m claiming it. I worked hard to be where I am now. And I mean, EXTRA hard. I did, and I’m proud to say that at this age, I have exceeded the person I wished I would become. At this age, I’d like to think that the struggles I’ve been through have been worth it and the questions I’ve been constantly asking myself the moment I started doing art (Am I good enough? Do I even deserve this?) have been answered.
But just like everyone else, I still get lost sometimes. I’m still trying to figure things out as always, and constantly working my way through labyrinth of amazingness called life.
I can never thank my family & friends enough who manage to still be patient and understanding with my *busy* life and always keep me grounded, and to the handful of people who have made my 22 years extra colorful – my best friends, college barkada, people I’ve met online who have now become really good friends (and sisters, for that matter) and my readers & followers who constantly keep me on my feet and motivate me to keep creating & inspiring. Thank YOU. I wouldn’t be who I am without you all.
And to my dad, whom I know is happily watching me from above and so grateful to have spent my early years with. I hope I live up to his expectations – I remember he was extra busy (like I am now) when he was still alive 12 years ago, and I probably acquired these traits from him (and of course, my handwriting and creativity from my mom, lol).
Hi dad, miss you so much!
As I turn twenty two, I could only hope for the best – that, and to learn to value myself more as a person. That I will constantly remind myself that I am good enough. Even if the roads from here on out will not be easy, I’m positive that they’ll lead me to be where I’m meant to be, and help me be the person I’ve always wanted to become.
I don’t have a proper wish, because as unexpected as this sounds, I have no idea what to wish for. Most of my dreams have been making its way to reality (*insert lots of confetti*) and all I can do is hold on to this moment and make the most out of it.
Here’s to hoping a new year takes me to crazier adventures, gives me even more amazing opportunities to create art, achieve goals, and inspire others, and gives the go signal to take that risk I’ve been holding off since I started calling myself a “letterer” (hah, that’s a secret I’ll never tell – unless I actually do it, eventually, soon).
And here’s to hoping I get more sleep, and more capabilities to learn how to balance this double life (corporate + freelance) I’m living. Lol.
*cue Taylor Swift’s 22 song*
P.S. To everyone who sent messages and tweeted and basically did everything to greet me today, thank you! Please give me time to respond to each and every one of you. Much love.